SaiGon to Hanoi

A series of slightly unhinged diary entries I wrote on a 36-hour train ride from Ho Chi Minh City to Hanoi in January 2020. I had just finished up a field trip throughout Vietnam, which was a tumultuous, buzzing, and insanely packed experience.

As I boarded the train to get back to the North, my Sim Card stopped working. It was so weird to go from being around a group of people I’d become so close with, to being completely alone and unable to contact anyone for the entire journey. I decided to write about how I felt along the way, at 4 intervals.

These thoughts are dramatic, silly, and sprawling, but I think they are a nice canvas of how disorderly, yet sweet, our minds can be.

3 hours

I believe that diving into adversity can be good for the spirit. Maybe to break it into tiny pieces first then use the sum of those parts to create something that was stronger than before. I don’t know why I decided to put myself on a train across an entire country, to choose to stay on it for over a full day, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I will either blossom or wither in this metal carriage. That’s slightly dramatic but this really does feel like a test of sorts. No real contact, no familiarity, no sense of place for 36 hours. All alone. I have books and I found Pulp Fiction on my laptop. All will be fine. 

I have so much time now to reflect on the onslaught of experiences that have crashed into me over the last year and particularly the last month. It’s actually nice to not constantly be around your friends for a bit. I like getting into my head and this is exactly the place to do that.

It astounded me when someone in my class said, in reference to having to write our reflective journals, “I don’t really think.” All I do is think, and measure, and analyse. Not the sort with a ruler, but in a way that counts the freckles on someone’s arm and then tells me whether or not I'd like to be their friend. Or watch the cracks in the wall until they lead me to wisps of cloud in the sky and the sun blinds me. Everything really is fascinating, and it barely makes any sense. There’s so much to drink in around you, it’s a wonder how people can remain perpetually thirsty. And to not think?

That’s enough of this ramble. I don’t really think I make sense a lot of the time, but the words choose themselves and it really is the way I feel when I write. I’m so glad that I can feel this way just from putting together letters, it really is magical.

6 hours

The scenes that dash by outside my window are nothing short of magnificent but all I can do is close my eyes and sleep. I haven’t skipped many songs which is unusual, I seem to like everything right now. I would love some fruit, though. Just tried to buy some bananas in the dining cart but I wasn’t allowed to? Apparently, you can only buy drinks, which I don’t understand. I just want a banana.

I’m only a 6th of the way through but I do feel quite rested and peaceful, contrary to how I thought I’d be feeling right now. I still have books to read and water to drink and snacks to eat. Not too sick of it yet. But I’m worried about later on. Don’t really have any deep thoughts either. I think I’m still recovering from everything that’s happened recently.

Also my feet are really swollen and I’m not sure why.

9 hours

I did the maths wrong and thought that I was a third of the way through. Turns out it’s only a quarter. At Nha Trang a bunch of new people boarded so now the carriage is noticeably fuller and I don’t have an extra seat next to me. It’s fine though. Still trekking quite ok and excited to sleep. It was getting bad, but I went and watched the sun set at the windows between carriages and the sweeping coastline was like nothing I could expect. Cliffs roared above the waves while ramshackle houses bobbed near the shore and the sky turned pink. The shoreline looks gorgeous, and I wish that I’d planned my train journey so that I could spend a few hours in each of these towns but at the same time it doesn’t seem like these ghostly cliff faces invite strangers like me. Maybe the only way to have seen them would be by being where I am now, next to a slightly weird Vietnamese man who is eating a chili for dinner (?) 

The toilets really suck though. Some of the more nose-tingling variety. But all in all, it’s manageable. I’m not yet sure if I’m glad I made this choice because I feel that the next day of this will be the harder part. Tomorrow, I want to maybe see the sunrise and try to walk the length of the train and wander.

After the night

“Leaving the familiar, air is getting chillier, stepping outside your skin.” Objects, Big Thief.

The night passed surprisingly easily. The family in front of me are very amusing. They pulled out this mat and the women and some kids slept on it while the others sprawled on the seats. In the morning they ordered Tiger beers again and one of the dads wearing a red shirt has been smiling the entire time. They are surprisingly inoffensive to me, even with a troop of kids and rubbish littering their seats. They seem really nice, and the mum even tried to speak to me even though it was clear the only English word she knew was “thanks”. One of the conductors also speaks a bit of broken English and has been sort of looking out for me, ordering food, letting me know when we’re stopping and stuff like that. It’s really lovely of him because without the help I probably wouldn’t have eaten by this point.

I’m extremely dehydrated and my legs have started cramping but I can’t bear to drink a bunch because of how awful the toilets are. I need an entire pep talk from myself before I even dare enter. But I love standing at the windows just before the bathroom and drinking in the green fields while sheets of wind freeze the top layer of my skin. The landscape has changed yet again, the vibrant green covered in beads of crystal water after last night’s apparent rain. There is only 9 hours left to go. I’m glad I did this because never again in my life would I travel by train across the entire country. But I’m also glad for the minute I can step my feet off this train for good and get into Hanoi. Already thinking about the pho I want to get tomorrow. Can’t believe it’s my last day here.

You can find Yasmine on instagram @yasminehosseni and her music @dogworldband